Tags
David Drake, David Goldsmith, Eunice Chan Coach, Eunice The Coach, eunicethecoach, Leadership, Marcia Reynolds, Mikhail Gorbachev, Night by Elie Wiesel, self-care, Shirzad Chamine, summer break, The Avoidable War by Kevin Rudd, The Comfort Book by Matt Haig, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
“Summer Break” in Asia
In June, when I told a precocious kid attending Sunday School that we were about to have a “summer break” for a couple of months, he replied, “That’s ridiculous! We’re in Singapore. It’s summer all year round!” Well, he did have a point. We don’t have the four seasons here. We only have sun…and rain. But at that time, with borders opening up, many expatriates and their families were starting to head home for their annual summer break. So I decided to take a summer break too. And my, oh, my, what a wonderful break it was! And I didn’t even leave the country! (Nightmare stories about flight cancellations and delays, with travellers stranded in despair at airports and hotels in several parts of the world were enough for me to just stay put. I know, I know. I sound really old. Another dead giveaway was when the death of former President of the Soviet Union Mikhail Gorbachev was announced moments ago, and my reaction was: “Oh dear! Gorbachev has died!” I still remember my first words in Russian: perestroika and glasnost. Perestroika = “restructuring”, i.e. restructuring or reforming of the economic and political system; a policy first proposed by former Soviet leader Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev in 1979, and then actively promoted by Gorbachev. Glasnost = “openness”, i.e. a more open consultative government and wider dissemination of information; a policy initiated by Gorbachev as from 1985.
Self-Care Is Not a Bad Word
So what did I do for self-care? Well, for a start, there were several fabulous meals with loved ones and friends at mainly French and Japanese restaurants where prices didn’t burn a hole in our pockets.
I also enjoyed some online shopping. Some of my best finds include a robot vacuum cleaner and mop; a dustbin/garbage can with sensors; a portable fruit blender/juicer; an identity privacy protection roller stamp for concealing personal information on documents earmarked for disposal as well as a multi-functional bag from Manhattan, New York that is perfect for work, travel and even the gym, an item made possible thanks to “Forbes Vetted”, a section of Forbes.com, that keeps me on-trend (or at least “in the know” about the latest or most in demand products). As for groceries, I discovered brands I had never heard of before, such as affordable milk from Denmark, France and The Netherlands, and I was delighted to find that I could also have wafer ice cream from Japan delivered to my doorstep.
And while out strolling at a mall one weekend, I stumbled upon a delightful door stopper in the form of a schnauzer, for less than S$14 (GBP8.60/EUR10/USD10). He has a name now and he is certainly not used as a door stopper but a cute, sturdy stuffed toy that often takes pride of place right in front of the telly. (This reminds me of the “rags to riches” story about Prince, a handsome German Shepherd rescue dog I read about, who was unfortunately sent to the pound by a previous owner but after being adopted by his current owner, is now living it up in a luxury condominium on Sentosa island, the neighbourhood of the fabulously rich in Singapore.)
Then several loved ones flew into town in mid-August. They turned up and left like a hurricane but it was such a joy having them around. I even survived rollercoaster rides at Universal Studios – screamed my head off with great abandonment. With the requirement to wear a mask even during those rides, there was no danger of any spit landing right down below, despite the force of gravity, as we screamed almost non-stop while repeatedly being rolled about and turned upside down at an incredibly ferocious speed. I actually found it all rather cathartic, and couldn’t help laughing for a good five minutes after a particularly scary yet thrilling ride. Perhaps it was simply a release of nervous energy, but my street cred among my nephews certainly leapt by a few notches.
Developments in Coaching
I also managed to attend a number of online workshops on coaching, and must say that things are beginning to be less “prescriptive” and rigid. There seems to be more freedom to devise one’s own approach and style in coaching others, which is a healthy and welcome development. It is a bit like learning to drive. At first, the learner/new driver drives almost gingerly, focusing on all the newly acquired basic driving skills and traffic rules. But after repeated exposure to driving on the road, it all becomes second nature, and the driver gets to relax and drive with confidence.
Something worth mentioning about the coaching workshops is author of bestseller Positive Intelligence Shirzad Chamine’s reminder to choose to be happy right now and not to fall into the habit or trap of telling ourselves that we will be happy only after we have attained whatever we deem necessary for our happiness. We will only be able to change things for the better in our lives when we start from an already existing place of happiness and strength. I also liked Marcia Reynolds’ reminder not to be too quick to judge a person’s coachability and to help them “see their thinking”, and to “help them see better”. She also clarified that there is a rightful place for closed questions to be used in coaching; there just needs to be a good balance between open and closed questions in the right context. David Drake surprised some of us when he said he never set agendas and rarely set goals for coaching, as clients were mostly unclear about why they were really in a coaching session anyway. He likened the process to the unfurling and blossoming of a hidden rose – i.e. in a safe space, the coach is to help the client gradually discover what is hidden, what they need most at the moment, and then to help them reframe, reinvent and change a certain situation for the better. There was also one key thing I took away from the session by David Goldsmith: coaching sessions no longer have to be an hour long but can be segments of 30 minutes, 20 minutes, or even 10 minutes. It is more about the impact of the session and not so much the “value” of a longer duration.
These are just some of the many key takeaways. I may share more later, should the opportunity present itself again.
Can’t Say No to Books
And of course I also found time to do some reading:
- Night by Romanian-born Nobel laureate and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel (it reminds us of our human capacity for cruelty, especially during a war; it also causes us to wonder how differently we would respond if tested in similar extreme circumstances);
- The Comfort Book by Matt Haig (it includes some really inspiring stories, such as the one about the 17-year-old German girl who survived a plane crash all alone in the Peruvian jungle in 1971; the story behind why Maya Angelou remained silent for five years when she was only eight years old, and how this primed her for her life as a celebrated author; the delightful piece about the simple pleasures of eating peanut butter on toast);
- The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver (though fictional, it is set in 1959 and is unfortunately quite accurate in many ways about the exploitation of the Belgian Congo, presently the Democratic Republic of the Congo/”DRC”);
- The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (although highly acclaimed, it was definitely “not my cuppa tea”).
(The last two books were chosen by my book club, and I think it is healthy to be exposed to books that I don’t usually set aside for personal reading.)
To balance it out, I have also been reading Kevin Rudd’s The Avoidable War. Apart from Russia’s protracted invasion of Ukraine right now, tensions between the US and the PRC are understandably getting many world leaders nail-bitingly concerned at this time too.
Five Good Things
I usually end each day writing down “Three Good Things” that happened in the course of the day. Here, I am going to share “Five Good Things” which I hope will be as helpful to you as they have been to me:
1) Self-care is important. It is most refreshing. Enjoy it!
2) Make time for family. They are always to be treasured.
3) Leaders do fail us at times (eg. Afghanistan’s President Ashraf Ghani, who fled the country as the Taliban took over Kabul; Sri Lanka’s Prime Minister Mahinda Rajapaksa who was forced to resign after protests on the country’s economic crisis turned violent; UK’s Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who resigned because of “partygate” and other scandals, in addition to a cost of living crisis and the pressures caused by COVID19, Brexit and Russia’s war in Ukraine). Or leaders get assassinated in broad day light (eg. Japan’s former Prime Minister Abe Shinzo/Shinzo Abe). So it is far more important that we as individuals and as teams look at where we are and who we are, and we do not lose heart, but continue to do our best to lead well, whatever our role, whatever our station in life. Because “the show must go on”. Life goes on. There are still things to be done.
4) Recently I was part of a discussion on suffering and temptations experienced by the poor and the rich. Some seem to forget that it is not only the poor who suffer. The rich have their woes too. Whether rich or poor, our character is formed and revealed by our wealth or the lack of it. Does it bring out a noble character? Or does it bring out the ugliest in us? If wealthy, are we compassionate, kind, generous, thankful and humble? Do we use our wealth for good? Or are we arrogant, prideful, boastful, patronising, selfish, self-absorbed, self-indulgent and still grasping? If struggling financially, are we still compassionate, kind, generous, thankful and humble? Do we still find it in our heart to share the little that we have? Or are we bitter, complaining, envious, jealous, judgmental, selfish, self-absorbed and also grasping? It is so true that “naked we came, and naked we shall go”, and we will each meet our Maker. So there is much wisdom in being content, whatever one’s circumstances, and to lead by example.
5) An unexpected incident that occurred recently has also highlighted the importance of decorum and mutual respect. “Decorum” can be defined as “behaviour in keeping with good taste and propriety”. We need to be self-aware and mutually respectful in our interactions, especially when we are meeting people for the first time, joining a new team, or welcoming a new member to our team. When we are mutually respectful, we will naturally be considerate towards others and sensitive to their feelings and needs. Having a humble attitude goes a long way as it helps us to be more receptive to different views, feedback, suggestions, ideas and recommendations. Humility also keeps us from jumping to conclusions, being easily offended and having misunderstandings. It enables us to put ourselves in the shoes of others, as we listen attentively and earnestly try to understand their point of view. We also have to bear in mind that we can sometimes grow so comfortable with the way we do things as a team or group that we may not even be aware of our built-in preferences or biases and prejudices.
Time for a Recharge
Dear reader, if you have not taken a break this year, you might want to do so soon, even if it is only for a couple of days. It is especially important if you are in the “people business”. Please take care of yourself. Take time to recharge your batteries. Have fun! And come back refreshed!
eunicethecoach 